You’re in this group text with your friends recalling events of their adventurous single lives and have nothing to add to the conversation.
Or maybe, you’re fresh out of a long relationship you just want to reconnect with yourself and explore feelings that you’ve pushed to the side.
You may be horny and ready to swipe right on Tinder just to achieve a great and long overdue orgasm or several.
Whatever your reason, it’s your reason. You just need to make sure you’re putting you first in the hoe phase, sexual exploration period, fuck and duck, Netflix and chill or whatever you’re choosing to call it.
We spoke with a few women and put together the rules to having a safe and happy hoe phase.
Woman #1: I felt free
Though it was short-lived, my hoe-phase actually played a major role in my growth. I’m a better woman to my man because of it…. here’s why:
Since a young girl, I have always seen dealing with multiple men in such a negative light. It was frowned upon. I’d been in several different relationships in the past.
Different attitudes and different arguments took place. The relationship with my first kid’s father was the one that changed me the most. Our relationship consisted of him cheating EVERY CHANCE HE GOT.
He stopped taking me on dates mainly because his funds started getting low. When the funds got low he depended on me too much. It was draining. My final straw was when the rent was due and he gave me no warning that he wouldn’t be able to help with it..and on top of that, I caught him cheating AGAIN!
For some reason tho…I wasn’t hurt when we broke up. I FELT FREE! Once thought being a single mother would be tough, but for some reason, God kept opening doors for me and making ways out of NO WAY! A month later I decided to start entertaining other men again.
I literally didn’t have a hoe to my name so I had to start completely fresh which was fine with me.
It started with this guy who I had known for a while, but we both never gave each other any thought. He came over to “watch a movie”
I had already had a pep talk with my kitty like “girl, you better behave yourself tonight!”
Even though I had just left my BD a month before we hadn’t had sex in almost 2 months before that. I knew just the scent of a man would have my legs flying open!
& it did…
The thing is he satisfied me physically and mentally, but I still wanted more. He wasn’t my man. I wasn’t looking for a relationship.
So then I met this new guy. We had a lot in common. He was way different than the other guy I had dealt with. This guy was a real country boy! He wanted me to quit my job and let him take care of me. The great thing was he lived about 2 hours away so he wasn’t always in my face! A few weeks later I meet this guy who was more of a city boy. Worked a great job. We went on really nice dates but his conversation sucked and he always popped up at my apartment unannounced.
HE HAD TO BOUNCE!
The next guy I entertained was one who always tried to get my attention but I never gave it to him. Well at least until then. I ended up reallllyy feeling his vibe! Our talks, our dates, our Netflix & chill sessions, our sex was everything. One night we went out & I witnessed him get murdered. It was one of the worst moments of my life, but that was the season finale to my hoe phase. I didn’t want to entertain the other guys anymore. My perspective changed.
In that short time frame, I was able to witness many different attitudes & perspectives on life from great men & learned some great sex positions & tricks in the process. I learned what men like and don’t like & I also learned what I like & don’t like. Learned that life is short and I don’t have to accept anything that I don’t want to. Understood that you should take chances in life. I learned that when choosing a partner you should SHOP around! It’s perfectly okay! You wouldn’t buy a house that you only saw once…& personally, I’m not gonna buy a car I never test drove before.
Today, I’m more patient with my man than I would have been a few years ago. I know how to listen. I know how to please him. & most of all I know that there’s nobody else I want because I was able to weigh out my options.
Woman #2: My happy hoe phase…
As much I hate to admit it, I was the ultimate fuck boy. I remember my hoe phase vividly. That was the most magical and vibrant part of my life but definitely too many stories to recall in detail. What I can say though is that my hoe phase helped to shape the woman I am today, in the most positive way.
Gone are the days where I settled for things I didn’t want because I wasn’t yet sure of what it was I actually wanted. The hoe phase allowed for both pleasure and growth.
Explored my body with the assistance of others who were more experienced or had experienced different shit than I had.
Discovered that with the right partner and intensity that I could in fact squirt just as significantly as a pornstar.
I was able to decide for myself that although this may be “wrong” in the eyes of others, this was right for me. This was what I needed.
Became comfortable having sex, comfortable with my body and being naked, comfortable sharing the details of what my body was yearning for.
Won’t dwell on the time wasted with immature assholes who barely knew how to please themselves let alone a woman. I mean I would recall the hoes on my roster but the problem is, I don’t really remember them like that. They weren’t around for long and I really didn’t care much to get to know them.
They were just there to support me on my journey of a better understanding of self, my sexual preferences and orientation and I knew that. I never searched for love, commitment, or companionship in any of my escapades.
Honestly, I didn’t even set out to start a hoe phase. It just sort of happened.
On some “if at first, you don’t succeed, pick a new dick and try again” type shit.
I really just wanted to be happy and shake the constant sense of horniness.
And I found happiness in sex. Good sex though.
Even though, I used these men and women just for sex doesn’t mean I wasn’t able to learn from all of the situations.
I studied each and every move I made and how my partner would react. Learned of wants and needs other than my own. I knew I’d reached the end of my run when I needed a deeper connection. I needed something real.
After a while, meaningless sex without intimacy or affection is just a waste of time and energy and you’re left drained.
Post hoe phase:
More attentive to partners, a better listener, more confident in myself and in my body and speaking up for what I want and what I wouldn’t tolerate.
And let’s not forget, I became great at sex.
So go have your own happy hoe phase but do so responsibly.
Woman #3: Please me, baby
Listen, I wouldn’t call it a “hoe phase”, moreso a phase of sexual fulfillment.
Personally, I went through the phase because of just wanting sex and nothing more. I felt that either I suffocate the desire and it’ll grow, or I’ll face it and fulfill it. I knew to leave when it was time to go, and caught no feelings—I knew my place. Also, I was grown about it, protected myself, and learned much about my body!
However, this phase isn’t a prerequisite on how to achieve those said things.
Just be responsible, make sure it’s something you can emotionally handle.
Here’s some advice from some grown ass black women…
We all go through hoe phases, don’t feel ashamed for it.
Enjoy your partner(s).
Life is too short to have bad sex. If you’re not feeling fulfilled talk to them about it or move around.
Make sure they aren’t in the same circle. Cause guys talk just as much as women.
Proceed with caution….don’t overdo it and pick about 5 and decide who you will or won’t do….you have to be a cautious and safe hoe.
Don’t get caught up, out that 5 you probably end up screwing two lol
Schedule your appts wisely!
No one comes to your house!
Control your feelings. Only text for sex, don’t hold conversations and leave as soon as it’s over. If you don’t, you have a chance of eventually catching feelings.
Use protection. Don’t let a “city girl” summer leave you with chlamydia in the fall.
Don’t lose hope on love and start feeling like you’ll only be happy with a full roster. Going from feeling unwanted to having 5 niggas that want you will make you confident AF!
“Let your hoe phase look like how you want it to look and never shame any other woman for how her phase looks. Just be safe, do it on your terms, and always be honest with yourself and the folks you’re fucking.
Be sure you’re not doing it just for the attention and loneliness but for your pleasure and exploration. Most importantly never shame another woman for how she decides to hoe. (I had to reiterate this)” – LaTrease
Several Grown Ass Black Women