3 Sausages In a Birthday Cake: Pt 1

One time for the birthday bitch, two times for the birthday bitch…

Get fucked if you’re the birthday bitch or however that song go.

The countdown to my birthday had started. It’s now, 11:37 pm, on November 3, moments before my 20th birthday. 

I needed to bring in the big two-oh with a bang.

No, fareal. A bang. I needed some dick. 

Birthday sex, birthday sex I’m singing along to Jeremiah while I’m casually, yet intentionally, scrolling through my Instagram feed, in search of somebody son. 

Oh, somebody son will be my victim tonight. 

I’d been conversing with this hood nigga in my DM. Maybe it was his lucky night. This delectable piece Godiva chocolate claiming to be a man. OMG, sexy, slim, dread head and I wasn’t even into dread heads but him.


His conversation was pretty cool too. He could actually keep my attention for longer than 5 minutes and didn’t just send a lame ass “wyd?”

Was this the night I’d finally see what all of his bragging was about?

Hell yeah. 

The question though, would he be the best I’d ever had or some typical bullshit?

Whatever the case, I was more than ready to find out.

Even though, after I asked, “Are you coming over to give me my birthday present?” I got the “Yeah, come scoop me” text.

Oh aht aht! This dude ain’t got no car?


I’m too wet and too deep in this sexting to back out now. Think. Think. Think.

“Shoot me your location”, l replied, like a dumbass.

17 minutes away. I figured that wasn’t too bad. I went to pick him up and then we arrived back at my apartment and headed straight to my bedroom.

With no hesitation, I slid out of my clothes to reveal my matching Victoria Secret set. I wanted to taste him. I wanted to feel him. I know I barely knew him but I longed for him at this point.

I didn’t have to touch his pants. My confidence was on 1000. I knew he wanted me as bad as I wanted him. I grabbed for his dick and BINGO. I was right.

I unzipped his pants. Stroked his piece softly, then reached towards the dresser for a condom. It wasn’t too big. It wasn’t too small. He was just the right size.

I licked it a bit before putting the condom on then we went at it. Or at least I did. I found my place on top of him and started my ride. Just as it was about to get good. Just as his name was about to slip from my tongue.

“Damn, baby! That was good AF.”

Oh, hell no. Did he just finish? I know I didn’t just waste my birthday on this most unfulfilling exchange. 

The warm stickiness I felt below confirmed it.

I hop off. Pissed off and head to the bathroom to clean myself up. I didn’t even bother to get him a towel and his trifling ass didn’t ask. I return to my room to find him lying comfortably in my bed with a huge smile on his face.

I throw his clothes at him and told him I was tired. Ready to kick him out before realizing I drove him here. “But I thought I was spending the night, it’s 1 am” “Well, you thought wrong, sir!” I retorted.

We went back and forth for a second before I ended the conversation with “I’ll be in the car.”

Why wasn’t Uber a thing then?!

The whole ride back to his crib was awkward AF but I really didn’t care. Nigga ruined my birthday and it hadn’t even really got started yet.

On the drive back home, I replayed the whole situation in my mind in disbelief. I turned up the music to overpower my thoughts and sped down the highway, anxious to get to my vibrator and high speed my self to sleep.

Back at my apartment, fast asleep I went after that release. That is until 7 am rolls around and there’s a knock on my door…

Kim, A Grown Ass Black Woman

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