Since a teen, I have always suffered from depression and anxiety. It’s been a personal battle I’ve been fighting for many years and I am proud to say for the last three years I have been winning.
I’ve learned my triggers, what calms me down, how to avoid certain situations, it’s like I had everything under control … or so I thought.
I’m five months pregnant and I don’t know if I can blame all the extra hormones, but I’ve been out of whack. I find myself sad and angry a lot lately. Mostly because I don’t know what’s triggering it.
On the outside looking in, everything seems fine. I shouldn’t have any reason to be feeling down, but I am. I would love to snap a finger and make it magically go away but unfortunately, my emotions don’t work that way.
I can be in a room surrounded by people I KNOW for a fact love me and still feel lonely as fuck. Sometimes I feel like I’m suffocating and screaming for help and no one can hear me. It’s the scariest feeling.
Finding people who truly understand and who can truly relate is rare and most of the times I just retreat within myself, but it doesn’t always help. Asking me what’s wrong doesn’t help, because honestly I don’t know always know what the fuck is wrong with me.
Depressed individuals are not always suicidal or obviously sad, some of us have a great way of covering it up because we’ve had to do so for so long.
I can’t say I always win the fight but…
Here are some ways I tell depression to kiss my black ass:
Luxury Baths (as I call them) work wonders. Once a week I treat myself to bubble bath, Epsom salt, bath oils, and candles. I put the kid to sleep or occupy him in some kind of way and use that as a time to relax my nerves.
Write down your feelings — Purchase a notebook and whenever you’re feeling down, express yourself. You may not always get the opportunity to do so with the people around you, so make sure you stay on one accord with yourself. After all, you’ve been in a relationship with yourself for many years & that’s the most important relationship in your life.
Meditate / Pray — It doesn’t matter if you’re spiritual or religious, you have to get in tune with inner peace. You have to create it for yourself. We tend to only celebrate or appreciate when things are going good, but when things are falling apart is when we need to be thankful the most. I know it’s cliche, but things can ALWAYS be worse.
Phone a Friend — Sometimes we can’t always talk to those around us, or express ourselves without being judged so most times we don’t lean on those around us. A couple of years ago I got in touch with a hotline that’s full of people who are willing to lend an ear. No problem is too big or small. Don’t feel weird about it, we all need someone to listen!
If you can’t think of anyone to call or don’t feel comfortable sharing your feelings with close friends, call the mental health line (844) 549-4266.
Some may help you too, some may not, but feel free to give them a try or create some of your own!
Raina, A Grown Ass Black Woman