From A Man’s Bed…

Writing this from a man’s bed…

I was supposed to have a movie date last night and but instead, I wanted to watch the college series (baseball college championship) and he was ok with that.

So, I came over, brought snacks and then somehow stayed to watch a movie after. At about 9:30 I dozed off.

He didn’t wake me. He let me rest.

Uncomfortable at first because I haven’t slept in a man’s bed since I decided to become celibate. Also, Mother Nature was heavy and 

I was nervous!!

Here I am, laying in this man’s bed, drained from pouring everything I got into everyone around me that my exhaustion limited me to pass out in his bed when I just wanted my own bed.

Emotional, not just because Mother Nature decided to ruin me watching Toy Story 4, but because I was tired. He knew it, I knew it and somehow I was embarrassed. I shouldn’t have been, but I wanted to be “strong”.

At some point in the middle of the night, my cramps were so bad that I found myself moaning in pain. I didn’t realize I said “my stomach hurts so bad” until I noticed his warm rough hands rubbing my soft, cramping belly.

The power of that touch was better than any Midol pill. 

He goes to work for 5 am so I knew I needed to be up early. Well, 4 am comes and I feel him get out the bed. I politely dozed back off because I knew he would wake me before he left.

I was wrong.

He never came back. Instead, I found myself waking up at 6 am on the dot and he was gone. I look at my messages and I see his number (unsaved) 

with a message. *picture attached* I sunk into the bed because for the first time in a long time I didn’t have a man trying to sleep with me, I didn’t have someone asking me for something, I didn’t have a man trying to pay for my companionship..for the first time in a long time I had someone who listened to what I wanted to do and paid attention to what I needed without me saying a word. 

I’ve had keys left for me before. Hell, I have the key to someone’s house. The smallest gesture in my time of need though showed me his colors as I’ve never seen them before.

We’ve known each other for about 3-4 years and yet within the last 24 hours a belly rub, allowing me to read my comics in peace, to watch baseball without judgment and allowing me to rest while I have the weight of the world on my shoulders….he gave me everything.

So, here I am.

Writing this from a man’s bed because for the first time in a long time I didn’t have to worry about anything or anyone.

Just rest…

and for that my heart is full.

Also, I’m going back to sleep so

Mandy, A Grown Ass Black Woman

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