October 7, 2017, I quit my job to pursue my passion. After months of depression and anxiety attacks, I walked into the post office on my birthday and signed my resignation papers.
That was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make. I was so uncomfortable though. I was tired. I was about to lose my mind! I felt like I had no choice but to quit.
I just knew that quitting would magically make the panic attacks stop. I just knew quitting would allow me to gain back control over my life. Quitting would make me happy again.
BUT I was still hesitant. I was running booku scenarios in my mind. If this doesn’t work out as beautifully as I anticipated, then what?! If I can’t maintain these bills, then what?! How would I handle my baby telling me he’s hungry and I can’t afford to feed him?!
BUT then it hit me, what if it does?! What if it does work out and you get this freedom that you desire? What if this lifestyle that you’ve been dreaming about became your reality? What if you got paid to do something you love?
So. God was shaking things up. Who was I to stop him? I had more faith than I had fear. I allowed God to guide me.
The transition was not easy. All that I’m saying here now isn’t how I was feeling then.
I knew God. I believed in God. I also knew that was too much responsibility was in front of me. I knew that I didn’t know if I was going left or right. I was lost. I was feeling like I needed change but didn’t know which direction to run.
It’s hard to see and really realize what you’re going through when you’re knee deep in it. With all of that uncertainty surrounding you, it’s easy to slip and fall into a slum.
There’s hope though. Even if it’s a small little hint of it in the back of your mind. There’s hope that you’ll break out of the depression. There’s hope that you’ll feel like yourself again.
There are signs everywhere that that stage you’re currently in isn’t permanent. It just takes you paying a little bit more attention to what’s going on around you.
When I was finally able to peep my surroundings and take notice. The first place I started to pick up on the fact that these feelings were only temporary and shit was bound to get better was in music.
Here are some quotes from some unexpected songs that helped me to trust my faith. Hopefully, this helps you out too…
1.”God got me, woke me up, took me in. Set me down, broke me down, said make me proud” – Kevin Gates, In God I Trust
2. “I can finally have a pocket full of cash, and ain’t gotta ride around with a quarter tank of gas. I can finally take my bitch out to dinner, ain’t no more McDonald’s dollar menu. Ain’t no more food stamps when we shoppin’, go’n throw it in the basket, girl. I got you. Who would’ve known that I would come this far,I swear I grind so long and I pray so hard.” – Mike Smiff, Now
3. “I really been through it all (No lie) I know he want me to ball. Cause every time, he answer my call. They go to stressing me, He end up double blessing me” – Boosie, God Wants Me To Ball
4. “I got back on drugs, bad, while I was still chasin’ cheddar. My heart was broken, sufferin’ and stressin’ battling with my depression. On top of that my team was shittin’ on me harder than ever, Not a worry in the world whenever we was together” – Kevin Gates, Pride
Success happens after the struggle. God wants you to win. God wants you to ball but God wants to make sure you’re ready first. Trust the process. Best believe when it’s time he will make you uncomfortable.
See, God puts us all here for a specific purpose. He will prepare you for that mission through hardships and failures. He will mold you and shape you to handle all the blessings he has ready to gift you with but he will test you first. He will test you to make sure you’re really prepared for all that you’re asking. He will test you so that when he does pop it off you don’t lose it all like a bad dice roll.