How To Deal With Fragile Masculinity

Fragile masculinity can be a pain in the ass.

Men. Let’s talk about them. Can’t live with them, can live without them. Yes, I know what I said. And as a woman, I’ve been dealing with fragile masculinity my entire life.

Let’s be real, I’m sick to my stomach of it.

Ladies, I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. I also know how exhausting it can be dealing with a man who insists on being “manly” all the time. As if having emotions is an incurable sickness that men spend their lives trying not to get.

Let’s think of some examples.

Your man doesn’t want to get mani/pedis with you because he thinks it’s quote on quote “gay”. Or he doesn’t want to get a facial because it’s too “feminine”. Some are even afraid to wear moisturizer. Let me just say, that men who fear moisturizer are the same ones that looked like a crusted foot by age 30.

Calling women bitches, the whole “no homo”, or “don’t act like such a girl” are some other examples of fragile masculinity. So I guess it boils down to the question, what are men so afraid of?

Please don’t all raise your hands and let me know at once.

Ladies, is this something you notice in your man, do you call him out, does it bother you? Not that it should be our responsibility to look after grown ass men, but you should call it out when you see it. And guys should call it out in other guys.

Toxic masculinity is a huge red flag and you should always take off your rose-colored glasses and be aware of things like when seeking out a partner.

Here are a few more examples of toxic masculinity to keep your eye out for:

First off, if your man or a man you know thinks that being affectionate towards his male friends is “gay” or “feminine”, run. The only thing that makes a man gay or bisexual at the least, is their attraction to men or their desire to want a relationship with them. That’s it. I know it sounds like a wild idea but it’s scientifically proven.

This type of mindset can even affect you in the bedroom, not wanting to do certain things under the impression that it’s strictly reserved for gay men.

Boy, if you don’t toughen up that fragile masculinity and let me put my finger in your butt.

I clearly remember seeing a video of OBJ being affectionate with another football player and people immediately calling him gay. You should encourage men to nurture their platonic relationships.

For years, people have seen affectionate men as too feminine. That opinion is rooted in ignorance. And that’s the tea on that. He’s jealous over every single male interaction you have. Gwurl. If you thought you needed to run before, you really need to skitdaddle now. Not only is this a sign that he is insecure (do you really want an insecure man? Yuck.) and controlling.

If he wants you to delete every single male off of your social accounts, that’s a problem. If a guy looks at you and your man gets upset with you, even though this clearly is no fault of your own, drop his ass. He’s gaslighting you. He’s doing things he knows damn well he shouldn’t and you catch him doing said things. Yet, he tries to make it seem like you’re crazy. Trying to flip the script and make it your fault. No indeed not.

Men don’t need to prove their dominance by making you feel inferior. And they should accept responsibility when they do something wrong.

He gets pissy when you acknowledge his compliment as being correct. I know in my heart that a lot of you have experienced this. Someone calls themselves “sliding in your DMs” and calls you sexy, beautiful, gorgeous, or any variation of the above. You say “I know, thanks” and they fly off the handle. Hunny, did he not know that you knew that you were the shit? He can’t handle rejection.

If a guy approaches you somewhere and asks for your number or something along those lines and you politely reject and he just doesn’t let it go. Pepper spray him. No means no. No doesn’t mean yes, it means no and that’s final. I don’t care what excuse you give him, if it’s true or if you just want him to leave you alone if you reject him and he doesn’t accept that, you better dust his ass.

In short, toxic or fragile masculinity is just overcompensation for men who are too weak, too insecure and too wack to unlearn the outdated mindset that society instilled in them.

Women, you deserve more than that. Find a man who is secure, who will take your bomb ass bikini pics for IG, who doesn’t take it to heart when another guy looks at you (because he knows you a dime and you his dime) and for the love of God, please find yourself a man who takes responsibility for his wrongs and changes his actions accordingly.

Kaitlan, A Grown Ass Black Woman

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