One of the good things about the black female today, is their sense of self worth.
There was a post on twitter that asked why the divorce rate is higher today and the marriage rate is lower.
A lot of people had different opinions about this, but one that stood out to me was when a black male said, “black women have finally stopped accepting the bare minimum and have started realizing their worth..”
This was a viewpoint that I hadn’t thought of, but it made sense once I saw it. At one point in time, women were only as good as the men they married. They were only worth the male children they bore. Heaven forbid your husband died and all you had were daughters.
Then if you got into an abusive relationship, you couldn’t leave them because obviously it was your fault and up to you to fix. If your husband hit you, well what did you do to deserve it? Oh, your husband cheated? Obviously you need to make him feel like a man so he won’t. If it continues, just keep it to yourself.
There wasn’t a way out for females back then.
Today though, women are walking away from this construct, or prison. Women are starting to accept their beauty, strength, intelligence, and virtue. Women are finally beginning to not only see their worth, but embracing it as well. In today’s era the black woman is willingly to walk away from those who don’t see her value.
I see where my ancestors came from, I see what my mom walked away from. I witness the abusive relationship and the inability to walk away from it. But then I witnessed my mother slowly start to remember who she was, and the minute she started loving herself she gained the strength she needed to walk away. I saw how more beautiful she got every day she lived outside of my father’s control. The way she grew as a person is what made me love myself.
Her example of both being scared and fearful, and then being strong enough to leave what scares you taught me what it means to love yourself.
A lot of women make the mistake of staying in a toxic relationship for the children’s sake, not fully realizing that the relationship isn’t solely toxic to them. For a while my idea of love was wrapped up in the control my father had to have over my mother. For the longest time I was angry and disappointed in the person she was. I despised her because I didn’t understand why she couldn’t walk away from him, why she couldn’t walk away and take me with her.
I hated the example she was setting for me because no matter how wrong I knew the relationship was, at the end of the day I didn’t have any other example. I loathed the way church women found themselves blaming her for the pain she went through, the way family members told her it was her fault. More than that, I hated seeing her cry and not being able to fix it. Then I got older, and I started to understand.
She started to open up to me, and she allowed me to love her. We allowed ourselves to love each other. For at the time she was what I refused to be, and I was who she wanted to be. Then I realized despite everything, I was who I am because of her and I needed her to realize that too. Then one day she did walk away. At this point, I was grown and living on my own, but just seeing the process of having left and then discovering who she was outside of him. I was proud. I grew to not only admire her, but to understand. Church people still had their opinions, and some family members still refused to focus on their own relationship.
However, as this went on she grew to live above it all. I grew to respect my past for what it taught me, and to admire the black woman for all they endure. As I look at my female peers, I see that same fight I saw in my mom. I see the willingness to love again despite the pain failed love caused. I see what others call stubbornness, but I call determination to accept nothing short of admiration from our fellow black men. In today’s era I see that finally the black female is done accepting the bare minimum offered to them.
With natural hair care lines, and all inclusive makeup. #metoo movements acknowledging silent pain, and self love being made prominent through social media. The black woman is finally realizing their magic.
And the world is realizing a black woman’s worth.
Nadia, A Grown Ass Black Woman