Have you ever found yourself overstaying your stay in a place that doesn’t even want you? What keeps one stuck in a commitment that isn’t truly a commitment?
It’s actually quite simple, there’s a lack of self love and reverence.
All throughout my early 20s, I found myself connected with men who didn’t even want me. I found myself auditioning for acceptance, appreciation, and value.
The sad part about it is, no matter how many seeds I’ve sown into their lives, my crop died; I died as a woman.
I chased love and exposed my precious womb to men who didn’t even take care of it properly (I hope you’re catching my drift). I was abused, humiliated and misused in every way a woman may fear.. but, I stayed.
They were familiar, they didn’t even want me, but at least they were there. I had no hope, I never even saw what it looked like!
Most times when we’re approached with a situation where someone missteps our boundaries and stays longer than they should, we blame the ones we’re connected to.
However—don’t get me wrong—they are to blame for the lack of self-respect, but where do we place our accountability?
Usually, when we are taught about being accountable for ourselves, we are spoken to in condescending ways. I want to speak to you from a place of grace and freedom.
When I was younger, I found myself staying in places I just knew didn’t serve me. I never knew how to let go, I only knew to have them leave me instead.
I never truly had the strength or neither did I recognize the amount of courage and self love it took for me to overcome that obstacle in my womanhood.
I avoided setting boundaries for myself; avoidance was my best friend. It wasn’t until God placed women around me who knew what love truly was to be an example.
I, unfortunately, wasn’t awarded with that luxury, although I truly believe the women who helped me grow did the best they could! They began to challenge me in how I truly valued myself, and for that, I’m so grateful.
Your friendships are as important as any other relationship you encounter.
I’m unsure of your religious beliefs, but as I grew in my relationship with Christ, I learned that to truly honor Him was to honor myself.
I grew tired of missing out of the greatness God had in store for me.
I began to learn His heart, His grace, and even His mercy. He gave me my beauty for ashes, which comes from the ruins of my past (Isaiah 61).
It also taught me to strive for the best because I never even knew what it was. God had even given me dreams of my future, but I had to begin to learn to choose Him and to choose ME!
I began to see life through the eyes of victory and not defeat. I stopped looking at things happening TO ME, but how they were happening FOR ME instead.
Once you truly become whole and make decisions to love you and your future more, these men won’t even try you, sis.
When a woman walks with a certain reverence for herself, others have no choice but to respect you and the boundaries you’ve set for yourself.
Be encouraged, forgive yourself, and cut him or whomever loose!
Lastly, if you fall, show yourself some grace and begin again until you perfect this thing.