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When I got a divorced after 12 years, I thought I had failed. As a matter of fact, I stayed so long cause religion had poisoned my mind to think that I was supposed to stay even though he was beating my tail. I was so scared of being a failure and disappointing God. But I finally got up the nerves to roll out.
You can never fail at something that you attempted to give your 100%. What you can do though is pay attention to the lessons and learn from them.
"2002 is a long time and you're still single LaTonya?" Yes, I am still very much single. A few times I could've changed my status permanently but I wasn't mentally ready. I was still searching for the lady that exist beneath all the hurt and pain.
The lady who smiles from her inner heart. The lady who doesn't have to be right as long as the team is winning. The lady who had to learn to love all of her flaws. The lady who believes in dreams and knows how to open her eyes and make her dreams her reality. I had to find that lady. I had to deal with the trials and tribulations that my bloodline left for me. I had to learn that I am the true chain breaker and that there was no longer a need to carry these chains.
So, I dropped them and kept it moving. I had to give honor to my ancestors but also know that it was my job to change up what they didn't know and thought was right. I learned the power of my voice. The power of my love and more importantly the power of just being me.
I take my singlehood very seriously cause I know what it looks like to be misery with another person. I know what it looks like to live a routine and call it love. I know what it looks like for your life to be a prison.
People say, you look so young. You are always happy. Your smile is contagious. You treat others well. You love so hard. You listen. You inspire. You are so passionate and dedicate. Its easy for me to be all of this to people cause I'm all of this to myself. Imagine if I'm all these things to strangers and people I know....what I could be to the man of my dreams. That and so much more.
I am single by choice and very selective! Why? Cause I have worked too hard to become the woman that I am to ever waste my time with someone who doesn't have the same respect for himself and his own journey...people love harder and better when they love themselves. You have to spend some time in hell to reap the true benefits of heaven.
Dear Future! We got this Love! Until you take your place....I will be over here getting better and better.
LaTonya, A Grown Ass Black Woman