Sometimes I don’t want to be responsible for anything. Don’t get me wrong, I love my life… I’m grateful for everything.
I have a loving man, we have a healthy two-year-old and we’ll be welcoming a baby girl sooner than later. Everything isn’t perfect, but I really can’t complain.
Sometimes though, I’d really fucking love to go back to being MYSELF. Some days I don’t want to be a girlfriend, I don’t want to be anyone’s mom, I don’t want to be responsible… I’d love to go back to living a care free life and only worry about myself.
When I feel like this, I tend to beat myself about it. Like, how dare you not want to parent your child? How dare you not want to cook and clean with that hardworking man you have? But honestly, sometimes I just don’t.
Yes, my man is hardworking and provides but I keep this ship afloat. This house doesn’t function properly without me. I’m everyone’s personal assistant, I’m a chef, I’m a cleaning service, I’m a laundromat, I suck dick on demand…..
I mean, I wear quite a few hats and sometimes I’d like to take them all off and do absolutely nothing.
I’m not suffering from postpartum depression. I’m not unhappy.
I’m almost sure I’m not the only woman on earth who feels this way.
When I link up with my girls, I don’t want to always talk about when Disney on Ice is coming into town. How about some hot wings and tequila shots?
When I go places alone, stop fucking asking me where my kid is. I deserve some time to myself! My point is, I AM MORE THAN JUST A MOTHER. I AM MORE THAN A SIGNIFICANT OTHER. I AM STILL ME!! Let me hold onto myself because when you lose yourself, your mind follows shortly after…
Raina, A Grown Ass Black Woman