One man in your bed, Another in your head

What is Love? I have no idea! I once thought that I experienced it and fell into matrimony. But that wasn’t it.


Now, I’ve entered the world of dating. Friends gave encouragement and shared success stories, yet meanwhile I’m still sitting here looking crazy.


Did I get off at the wrong stop?


In my eyes, I see dating as:

Physical Outings. Arrangements of pick-ups and activities to certain places. Walks on the beach, dinner, movies, etc.

Romance. A love connection with one person that involves eye gazing, hand holding, kisses on the forehead.....yea, all of that shit!

Time. Schedule clearing, set times to get off of work and more. How can you have physical outings and romance if you don’t put in the time and effort?

But it never comes wrapped up all pretty like this. You get a good 1-3 great first dates and then some guys fall off. You easily go from everyday Good Morning and Good Night texts to long hours of no replies, calls or next plans.


Why is that? In an effort to see what’s out there and hopefully find love again; I’ve been considering Rotational Dating. I usually put all eggs in one basket but now I need to switch it up a bit.


Once you’re in a toxic relationship with the wrong person, you no longer want to feel confined. So rotational dating actually sounds better and better.

I’ve asked a few good women and here are their thoughts:

Be Open & Honest. Most men are surprised by this because they assume all women want marriage after one date. Be real and let them know up front that you are seeing other men until you find a real connection to lead to a commitment. (S. Larmore)

Focus. Focus on the man that you’re on the date with at that moment in time. You can't have one man in your bed and another in your head. If you’re dating “Tim” for the night, don’t compare him to “Greg”. Give “Tim” a fair shot. You can’t be with “Tim” and wondering why “Greg” never called you back. (S. Larmore)

No priority or Open Access. Don’t give anyone priority or open access as they please. If “Brian” calls for a date and you’re free....GO! If you’re unavailable then reschedule but don’t feel bad or pressured one bit. They are on YOUR terms. (B. Larmore).

Act Your “Age”. Age and maturity play a part in rotational dating. Dating at 21 looks different than at 41. Be honest with your dates about your expectations, outlook on life, standards and more. As you grow you see the world differently. (Anonymous in Maryland, LOL)

Schedule Your Self-Care. Dating can be stressful. It’s important to take breaks and care for yourself along the way. Whether you paint, write, read or sleep, do you. (B. Larmore).

Have Fun. Life is about creating memories. While love may be your ultimate goal, make it fun in the meantime. May the best man win. Happy Dating!


C. Scott, A Grown Ass Black Woman

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