I truly love my best friends and I have NO doubt that they love me.
I have noticed though that in a circle of 3 or more friends sometimes when 2 are amidst (I would be one of the 2) we would discuss things about the 1 that wasn’t present.
It was never ugly or downplaying the other but out of concern. You know: “Michael always talking crazy to her in public, she needs to shut that down” or “man, Ashley been wilding lately, she needs to calm down a bit”
I couldn’t speak for anyone else but I personally decided that I wouldn’t discuss these things without discussing them with the person who wasn’t present (before or soon after). No matter how hard the conversation. It was out of concern so I should talk to the object of concern, right?
Fine. Cool. Problem solved.
Nope, then I began to wonder, what is that thing they discuss when I’m not the present person??? I made the decision to conduct my relationships this way, but what if they hadn’t.
Maybe they didn’t think I could handle the ugly convos, the tough love, and not realize that is was love that fueled the criticism.
After going through and being done with a stage in my life that was in no way healthy, I remember telling my best friend about the storm I’d just walked out of and her telling me “Yea, I know, I just backed up for you to work through it” This encouraged and hurt me at the same time.
She believed in me. She knew I would have victory. I also felt a bit abandoned. Why didn’t you smack the mess out of me and tell me to wake up?!?!?
Nobody knows me better. Nobody knows all my crap like you do… I WANTED TO HEAR IT! I NEEDED TO HEAR IT!
Be open with your friends. You love them. You might be the one who loves them the most. Maybe even more than themselves at the time.
Have the hard conversations! Tell them the ugly truth! Don’t beat them up.
If they leave you, they’ll probably be back. If not, you did what REAL love is supposed to.